children's

children's jokes

Family

    • A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

    Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

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    • Tooth

    • (I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

    What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

    I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

    Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

    Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

    Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

    Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

    My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

    Priest

    • When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

    It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

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    • children's memes

    Woman

    • So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

    I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

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    • Lamp

    • What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?

    A Jacko Lantern!

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    • Hillary

    • If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

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    • Domestic Violence

    • I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

    Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

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    • Priest

    • Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

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    • Name

    • How do Asian people name their children?

    They throw a pan down the stairs.

    What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

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    • Child

    • Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

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    • Turtle

    • I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.

    Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.