Plastic Bag jokes

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?

They both are plastic and like kids.

What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.