children's jokes

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

How many children does Explain Bear have?

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Roses are red, bow down to your master, children are fast, but I am faster.

I put the D in Children.

Where do Eagles send their children to study?

The Alpha birds.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

I blend children to make a good living.