Children jokes

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Why is it so easy bullying orphans?

They can’t tell their mom.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

Why do orphans play Sims?

Because they can make themselves a family.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.

Why do orphans bully people?

Because they can't get suspended.

Contact Parent _______

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."