Children jokes

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

Why is it so easy bullying orphans?

They can’t tell their mom.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Why do orphans play Sims?

Because they can make themselves a family.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Why do orphans bully people?

Because they can't get suspended.

Contact Parent _______

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...