Children jokes

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

Are you an orphanage?

Why?

Because I wanna put my kids in you.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.