Children jokes
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.