Children jokes

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.

Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.

Why do orphans support slavery?

They finally have an owner.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."