Children jokes
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."