Children jokes
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
One hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
How many children does Explain Bear have?
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.