Can jokes
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.