Can jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?

They're out of plane sight.

That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!

What war game can the French win? None, they are always losing.

What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.

How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?

Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Can bees fly in the rain?

Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,

Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.

Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?

Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

Why does a cow love music?

Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.