Can

Can jokes

Woman

    • What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

    Burrito

    • The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

    A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

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    • Alphabet

    • The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

    To which the boy replies, "No."

    The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

    At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

    "Shut up," she replied.

    The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

    But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

    The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

    But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

    The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

    But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

    The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

    The boy replies, "Shut up."

    "Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

    The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

    In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

    The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

    The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

    The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

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    • Sky

    • Myrtle Beach has a clear blue sky and sunny weather, a pleasant place to visit as a family. Don't you think they are not evil creatures, and do you think they have them?

    "No, there are no ghosts or evil creatures." You can say that, but don't be surprised when Gina Claw Scare comes for you, aka GCS for short. Gina Claw Scare was born in North Carolina in August 1991. She died in 2000. No, that's not real. WRONG. Gina's real name was Gina Clawien Scaren. Yes, that's why her name is Gina Claw Scare. Why did she die? I know, right? She died from a curse from her bad companions. We never knew their names. The curse sent her down a dark path, demons and hate comments from people on Instagram, Facebook, and the worst jokes on the site.

    Gina Claw Scare loved fire, which means she was a pyromaniac. She would rise from the grave in which she was buried. Did what? Stop, for real this time!

    They buried her on a lawn in the forest that caught fire. "HARSH MAN!" I know, right? She rises from that grave, she comes for the people who call her by name four times. Then she beat the drums and set your house on fire! A fire so harmful that you can feel hurt, friends. You can hear everyone's screaming, and then become like her. Never say her name. NEVER.

    Can memes

    Pimp

    • What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

    Condoms!

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    • Rap

    • I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

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    • Santa Claus

    • Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

    Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

    So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

    Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

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    • Holiday

    • Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

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    • Orphan

    • Why can orphans give all you people posting all these stupid orphan jokes over and over again a good kick in the face?

    Well, what are you gonna do, tell their parents?

    P.S. Stop posting stupid orphan jokes over and over again.

    Suicide

    • Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!