Can jokes

What is the similarity between math and buildings?

Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.

How can a man make the world safer?

By having the chop.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

Cool people: I can do anything.

Normal people: I can do nothing.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"