Can jokes

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.

Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?

Answer: Ryan's forehead.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

I'm sorry, but I can only process text. Please provide the joke as text.