Call jokes

What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?

Batman has no one to call "daddy."

What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!

Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!

What do you call a pissed off midget?

A micro-aggression.

What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-

Grand Theft Otter!

What do cows call money?

Moola.

How do oysters call their friends?

On shell phones!

Why are orphans rude at school?

What's the school going to do? Call their parents?

Primary School Maths Teacher: Maths has no Limits!

High School Maths Teacher: There's this thing called Limits.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?

A baked potato.

What do you call a white kid who kills another?

Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A saltshaker.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

What do you call a downy under water?

Dead fish

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What do you call a mushroom that makes music?

A decomposer.

If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

What do you call a stupid turtle?

Retorted.