Call jokes
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?
Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
What do you call a fetus with Down syndrome? An abortion.
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?
A bull dozer.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
Can we please stop the fricking drama! I see people bullying other people, too. Gwen is not the only one. For God's sake, just do jokes! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don't even know each other, but we're still doing this stupid nonsense! Just make jokes, people! That is why it's called "Worst Jokes Ever," not "Bully People Ever." So shut up and get a life, dum-dums! Geez! The only reason why I come here is to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don't even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fricking world!!!!
"Addison, shut up. You're only 8 years old. What do you know?"
I might be 8, but at least I got some sense, and plus, I'm way smarter than you guys anyway. I'm in alert. You know, like a very, very, very intelligent kid! That can spell instead of saying "u," I say the true "you," instead of "pls," it's "please." Sorry if I did mean it... which I don't!
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!