Business jokes
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Memes
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
What do you call a Panera Bread after vanishing?
Panera Fade.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH on the side.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
7-Eleven
8-Eleven
9/11
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Cos every time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Why can’t orphans go to a family restaurant?
Because there’s no family.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.