Business jokes

Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

Prostitutes remind me of chewese.

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

What do dentists play at their practice?

Dental records.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.

Why don’t Indians play soccer?

Cos every time they get a corner, they open a shop.

Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.

Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.

What store do orphans never go to?

Home Depot 🤣

I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:

"Cashier: Which one?"

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

7-Eleven

8-Eleven

9/11