Business jokes

So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

Prostitutes remind me of chewese.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.

Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.

Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.

What store do orphans never go to?

Home Depot 🤣

I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:

"Cashier: Which one?"

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

7-Eleven

8-Eleven

9/11

Why can’t orphans go to a family restaurant?

Because there’s no family.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.

What do dentists play at their practice?

Dental records.

Why don’t Indians play soccer?

Cos every time they get a corner, they open a shop.

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