Allergic jokes

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?

A: An Epstein pen.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?

...Ollie the clown!

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...