Allergic jokes

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?

A: An Epstein pen.

What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?

...Ollie the clown!

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

What's bad? A nut allergy.