Body jokes

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Draggin’.

Draggin’ who?

Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.

What is smegma name?

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Q. What's the most musical bone?

A. The trom-bone!

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.