Body jokes
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
What flowers are on your face?
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.