Behavior jokes
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
Deutsch: Die, die nichts zu sagen haben, reden viel. Die, die was zu sagen haben, hingegen kaum.
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
Guys, please stop making fake accounts of me. It's not funny, and it's disrespectful of you, ok, bitch?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because fuck society, that's why!
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Tenzin is a sublime charlatan.
- Harib 2019
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.