Behavior jokes
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
What’s the only reason Emos drink?
To get hungover.
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.
She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"
The girl says, "Just like your face."
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.
My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.