Behavior jokes
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
I hate two-faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first. :)
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Be nice.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.
Random: What are your hobbies?
Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!