Behavior jokes
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
whoever posted this one ty bc that got a good laugh out
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they are fucking assholes.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.
A guy walked into a bar.
A guy walked out of a bar.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Me running from the table where the Emos sit with a Happy Meal.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
Mooning is very astrological!
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."