Behavior jokes
Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Tenzin is a sublime charlatan.
- Harib 2019
Sonic says, "Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Where was your mom last night? In the man club?
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
What's gayer than a gangbang in a man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Gwen, you need to shut up, for once!
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!