You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.
Why go to sleep because he was bossy?
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
Where's your off button?
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Yo mama is so strict that in The Outsiders, she was Darry.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
