Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."
Stop copying each other, fucking losers!
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
This page is shocking.
What's wrong with you people?
Me: Hey Jim!
Jim: I'm now a cannibal.
Me: WAIT, JIM! N-
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
RIP K.
When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
