Behavior jokes
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
Stop bullying.
How to stop bullying?
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES