Behavior jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.
Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?
Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.
Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?
Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.
LOL xD
Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.
Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?
They’re a bunch of cheetahs!
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."
Where is my dad?
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.