Beat jokes
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
What is one thing humans do before they eat?
They beat their meat to make nuggets.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Your nan's gay.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?
A: Eat my dust.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
To find his way through the BEATS.
How does a rapper like his eggs?
Hard-boiled, to match his beats!
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?
He drops the beet.
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?
So he could DEFINE his own beats!
What made his beats so bad?
His name.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?