Beat jokes

Your nan's gay.

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.

Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?

A: Beat it, we're closed.

What made his beats so bad?

His name.

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the concert?

So he could DEFINE his own beats!

Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?

To find his way through the BEATS.

Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?

Because he never missed a beat!

How does a rapper like his eggs?

Hard-boiled, to match his beats!

How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?

He drops the beet.

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

Why don't booties make good drummers?

They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

How do rappers keep their breath fresh?

With some FRESH BEATS.

Why did the rapper go to the bank? (Part 2)

To WITHDRAW some BEATS.

What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?

A sniff beat.