Beat

Beat jokes

Dwarf

    • It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

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    • Ronaldo

    • Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!

    Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.

    Who's supposed to be the goat?

  • 3

    • Uniform

    • I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

  • 1
    • Beat memes

    Friend

    • My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

    Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

  • 1

    • Trump

    • "(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

    ......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

    STUMP: TEENY DICK

    BUMP: TINY TIT

    GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

    MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

    LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

    UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

    RUMP: AN ASS

    DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

    HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

    PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

    JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

    .... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

    (endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

    "OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

    (quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

  • 9

    • TikTok

    • Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

    Friends: comments give reason.

    Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

    Day later:

    Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

    Me: Shows her the video.

    Mom: calls suicide.

    JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

    Penis

    • The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

  • 0

    • Cotton

    • In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.

    Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.

    Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.

    So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.

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