Beat jokes
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
FUCKING ELI BRUUUU
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the studio?
Because he was digging for those UNDERGROUND BEATS!
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.