Beach Jokes

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.

yo mamas so fat when she went to the beach in a blue dress everyone screamed tsunami

What do you say to a pedophile at the beach? Get out of my son!

What did the water say to the beach Nothing it just waved

Little Johnny went to the beach found some cocane and died the end

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean

yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach she sinks!

Husband: my wife and I went to the beach today Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit Husband: The second we entered the beach Pedestrians: TSUNAMI TSUNAMI

What did the fish say to the Beach?

Long tide, no see!

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale

What do you call a pig at the beach?

Bacon.

There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”

Wash It Away- By- Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions-Why does it always feel like I'm The one that's had a bad day? Whether I'm stuck in traffic or Showing up to work late Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to Forever been working all week For a jerk that thinks they can Say whatever they want to me I'll just bite my tongue for a Couple more days Soon I'll be in that island sun Surfing those waves I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta wash it away Finally I'm here and I cant even Stop myself from smiling Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island Don't miss my 9 to 5 Living like a local on this island time I got those sandy toes and Nobody knows jump in the Ocean and just go with the flow I'll miss my sandy toes I've got to go back before you Know this island is my home I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta wash it away Wash it away I need the beach I love the ocean Put my feet in the sand Watch the earth in motion Ya had a bad week ya had a bad Day Take it to the shoreside and wash It away Oh yeah You gotta Wash it away Wash it away

Celebrate-By- watersharky Productions and Pitbull- Mr. Worldwide Let's celebrate I just wanna celebrate I just wanna celebrate Tonight we're making history I just wanna celebrate We've been around the world, same song Work hard, play hard, all day long All the continents get jealous over me You can see me 3D overseas If you know me then you know where to find me Off in the Bahamas with a bad one behind me Now live it up, live it up, live it up Baby pick it up, pick it up, pick it up And we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate I just wanna celebrate Tonight we're making history I just wanna celebrate Turn it up Turn it up I've been patiently waiting for you to shake and shake it Make it or take it The point is we made it Courted by the game, call us Tom Brady And it's not our fault that we have all the ladies But it's hard to see these ladies when your middle name's Equator All around the globe, matter fact see your later They're great, we're great at world war, dominators And we're also some smooth operators, and we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom That's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate I just wanna celebrate Tonight we're making history I just wanna celebrate Turn it up Turn it up Live it up (Live it up), don't let life live you (Live you) It's a good time (Good time), so we give you (Give you) Now live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up What you wanna do? I just wanna celebrate I just wanna celebrate Tonight we're making history I just wanna celebrate Turn it up Let's celebrate Turn it up Let's celebrate

what did the beach goers in north carolina say when there was a tsunami?

nothing they died

Bird On the beach: seagull Bird by the bay: bagel Bird down south philly Walmart parking lot: illegal

What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet

Tan toes

Myrtle Beach has a clear blue sky and sunny, a pleasant air to visit as a family. Don't you think they are not evil creatures and do you think they have them? "No, there are no gost or evil creatures." You can say that, but don't be surprised when Gina Claw Scare comes for you, aka GCS for short. Gina Claw Scare was born in North Carolina in August 1991. She died in 2000. No, that's not real. WRONG. Gina's real name was Gina Clawien Scaren. Yes, that's why her name is Gina Claw Scare. Why did she die? I know right? She died from a curse from her bad companions. We never knew their names. The curse sent her down a dark path, demons and hate comments from people on istagram, facebook and the worst jokes on the site.

Gina Claw Scare loved fire. Which means she was a pyromaniac. She would rise from the grave in which she was buried. Did what? Stop, for real this time! They buried her on a loan in the forest. That caught fire. "HARSH MAN!" I know right? She rises from that grave, she comes for the people who call her by name four times. Then she beat the drums and set your house on fire! A fire so harmful that you can feel hurt, friends. You can hear everyone's screaming. And then become like her. Never say her name. NEVER

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

Beach wale