Beach

Beach jokes

Shark

    • If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

  • 6
    • Beach memes

    Bird

    • Bird on the beach: seagull.

    Bird by the bay: bagel.

    Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.

  • 0

    • Man

    • A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

  • 3

    • Pickpocket

    • Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

    The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

    "I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

    "I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

    The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

    "I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

  • 1

    • Mermaid

    • A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

  • 2
    • Beach memes

    Community talk

    • On maps, Cuba is crocodile-shaped, but when I look at a flat paper outline, I cannot see the beautiful farm on the crocodile’s belly. I can’t find the palm trees, or bright coral beaches where flying fish leap, gleaming like rainbows.

    end of part 3start of part 4 ​Box startsSometimes, I feel like a rolling wave of the sea, a wave that can only belong in between the two solid shores.

    Sometimes, I feel like a bridge, or a storm.

    • "Fires burn up canyons A hurricane can wreck a beach Words can make a mockingbird forget they're born to sing Lies can break a fragile heart And doubt can crush your dreams, but honey, just take it from me The world is hard on beautiful things You're pretty, and you're smart God made a work of art Girl, don't pick yourself apart"

    Community