Baby jokes
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
What milk do orphan babies drink?
Not their mom's, though.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
Babys Horenet's first word
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Love you baby :^
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."