Baby

Baby jokes

Microwave

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

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  • House

    How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

    Landmine

    A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

    "Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

    Name

    How do Asian parents name their baby?

    They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.

    Memes

    Treetop

    "Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

    Wife

    My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

    What happened?

    Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

    Condom

    A guy and his girl just finished making love.

    Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

    The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

    Santa

    You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

    How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

    Titanic

    A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.

    Infant

    You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.

    Child

    What did the mom say when her child came out?

    "The head was so big!"

    Jail

    Me: Hi Jacob!

    Jacob: Hi.

    Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

    Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

    Cereal

    What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?

    I personally think cereal is not nutritious.