Baby jokes
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
What milk do orphan babies drink?
Not their mom's, though.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.