Baby jokes
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
Love you baby :^
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?