Baby jokes

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

Love you baby :^

What's cold, blue and makes women cry?

Cot death.

"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.

What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?

I personally think cereal is not nutritious.

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?

A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.

Dead baby jokes never get old...

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.