What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable! Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass! The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
How many dead baby's does it take to change a light bulb?
Well It's not 8 because my basement is still dark
What's better than 5 baby's in one dumpster.
1 baby in 5 dumpster.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
