Baby jokes
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......