Baby jokes

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?

I personally think cereal is not nutritious.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."

How do you get a baby out of a blender?

With Doritos!

Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.

The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.

The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.

What am I?

A: A baby.

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

How do Asian parents name their baby?

They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one, get one free.

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."