Baby jokes
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.