Baby jokes
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Love you baby :^
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?