Baby

Baby Jokes

Tree

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten!

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  • Protest

    There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

    Name

    One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"

    Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."

    The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"

    Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."

    The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"

    Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

    Skeleton

    What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

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  • Uranus

    Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.

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  • Stork

    Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

    1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

    2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

    3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

    4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

    5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

    6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

    7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

    8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

    9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

    10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

    Road

    Why did the baby cross the road?

    Because it was stapled to the chicken.

    Swallow

    If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

    Two swallows.

    Difference

    What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

    The cat is still alive.

    What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

    Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

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  • Floor

    What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?

    Ripping it off with a kick!

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  • Depression

    If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

    Difference

    What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

    I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

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  • Microwave

    What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

    A baby in the microwave!

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  • House

    How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

    Landmine

    A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

    "Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"