There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
What milk do orphan babies drink?
Not their mom's, though.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
