Baby jokes

Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.

They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

A: To find his dad.

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.