Baby jokes
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?
"Here comes the airplane!"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
da baby
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!