Baby jokes
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
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Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
Memes
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.