Baby jokes
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓮.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
Why do cows have babies?
They moo-ved together.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.