Baby jokes

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?

Several hundred calories.

Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.