Baby jokes

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?

Several hundred calories.

Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.