Baby

Baby jokes

Michael Jackson

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?