Asked jokes

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.