Asked Jokes

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”