Asked jokes

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Orphans around my area only watched Youtube Shorts.

I asked them and then realized they can't click the home button.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were, and he started crying more.

Anyway, working at an orphanage is fun.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Ask the emo kid: "Hey, how's it hanging?"

A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.

The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"

Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"

Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.