Asked jokes
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"