Asked jokes

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.