Argument Jokes

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

what's the difference between a feminist and a knife? one has a point.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? because they had beef with eachother

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal. I wanted to tell him “well can we get what we both want?” “ I was already planning on dying anyway.”

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather. Chloe says "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic" John says "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler"

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting mom! you and dad need to stop!

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

“You da bomb!” “No, you da bomb!”

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"oh my God, you're such a beach"

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of time.

Bf: Well it's either yes or no.

Gf: ...

Bf: Well when is it that you don't love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh...

Mom asks “Why are you are THIS show??? It’s DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!” The child says “Don’t you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?” Mon whispers “Oh, you DEAD.”

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The colour orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'seperate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, its a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-D*CK VIOLENCE”

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

Two friends are arguing and one friend says ̈Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs ands or buts about it ̈ and the other friend says ̈Butt He is ̈.