Argument jokes

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"

I walked towards him.

"I prefer slit," I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

Also gehen Addison, Gwen und Bradley alle in eine Bar. Dann schreien sie alle an, sie sollen aufhören, Bier zu trinken, weil sie es nicht mögen. Dann schreien sie den Barkeeper an und sagen, er solle das Bier nicht verkaufen, weil sie es nicht mögen. Die Kunden lachen sie als Paviane aus.

Was machen Addison, Gwen und Bradley? Sie kommen auf diese Seite und argumentieren, dass Witze zu gemein sind, und weil sie sie nicht mögen, stoppen sie jeden, der sie als WITZ macht. Das Ende.

Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.

What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."