Argument jokes
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
I got in an argument with the 90-degree angle. And guess what? It was right!
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.