Animal jokes
Good morning? Goodbye!
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon!
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Memes
Most autisitic person ever.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
Hansume cheetah e Cel Cheetos?
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run away too if your name was OAhHhPrhhHK.
Why'd the snake cross the road? It was in the chicken's butt.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
Koalas ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ are booooooooooooooooo👎
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur?
A Doyoulickalotapuss.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.