Animal jokes
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
What is a monkey with a head?
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.
What kind of cow has 2 legs?
YOUR MOM!!
This joke is about koala bears. It is high koala-ty.
What do you call a Mexican rooster?
Un gallo pelón.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Never trust a donkey; they are always full of shit.
Really funny jokes at https://www.ranker.com/list/duck-jokes/jack-napier
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
Good morning? Goodbye!
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?