Animal jokes

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

What do you call a flamingo with 20 toes?

A flamingo.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

A: To find Pooh!

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

God creating cats.

GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.