Animal jokes
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side and meet his friend.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
Stop saying "cheetah cheater" jokes. They suck!
Yo mama so fat, cow!
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.