Animal jokes
What do you call a Mexican rooster?
Un gallo pelón.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
Good morning? Goodbye!
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon!
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?
Hansume cheetah e Cel Cheetos?
Why'd the snake cross the road? It was in the chicken's butt.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run away too if your name was OAhHhPrhhHK.
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
Koalas ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ are booooooooooooooooo👎
Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.