Animal jokes
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
What do you call a bull sleeping?
A bull-dozer.
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Memes
This is a cat, what did you think?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say, "Moo, not who."
What do you call a club that owls go to?
Hooters.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. Because he/she wanted to watch the moooovie.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef!
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Random person: Why?
You: To get to the idiot's house!
Random person: What?
You: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
What do you call a sheep with wings?
Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?
I guess he was a little deranged.
I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."