Animal jokes
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Pssh.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get ran over by a truck.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.