Animal jokes
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say, "Moo, not who."
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Random person: Why?
You: To get to the idiot's house!
Random person: What?
You: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.
I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.