Animal jokes
What do you call a giraffe without a bowtie? Neck-ed.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
He was stuffed.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What time do dogs wake up? At school is the time dogs wake up.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
What is the difference between a human and a tree and a house? Is for dinner today after school today after I have school 🏫 I have for kids dinner 🍴 was that I had dinner 🍴 night night dinner 🍴 night is what time it when we went and get the dog 🐶 night and dinner 🍴 night I love 💕 it is the one ☝️ I did not have time today.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
What has a dog?
People.