Animal jokes
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Cow said."
"Cow said who?"
"Cow says moo you ding dong!"
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
Why are fish smart?
They live i a school.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What do you call it when two gay roosters fight?
Cockfighting
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
I killed my cat.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
What do cows like to do?
Cow-culating!
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.