Animal jokes
Why do ponies hate Silento?
Because they neigh neigh too much!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
uh oh
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
What time do dogs wake up? At school is the time dogs wake up.
I am a sheep.
Why did the duck cross over the cave? Because he wasn't a chicken.
IDK, sorry...
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Why are chickens so awesome? Because... Chicken noise.
When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.