Animal jokes
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call a herd of winning cows?
A topside.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?
Because he had a toilet call in the drain.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
What is a fish's favorite fruit/vegetable?
An avacodo.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.
I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?