Animal jokes
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
Why can't you make fun of a bunny's head?
Because they have a hare-line.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
bnb dcnb cbf
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side.
What do you cross with a cow and a tiger? (mooigter)
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover their butt. Quack!