Animal jokes
A mouse said, "Who should put the bell on the cat?" Then all mice said, "The old one."
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again, aren't you?
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish with no eyes.
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
I have a big cock.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."