Animal jokes
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
Why did the koala cross the road?
To get to the big tree.
Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's a rapper's favorite animal?
RHYMENOCEROS!
What's a rapper's favorite type of pet?
A rhyming parrot.
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.