Animal jokes
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
What do you call a stabbed pig?
Porkchopped.
What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?
Pork Chopped!
Hah, got 'em (I guess)!
Chicken on a stick with a macaroni tick.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Rat
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo you fine.