Animal jokes
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?
Its rings!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
Who is chicken's favorite actor?
James Cor-hen!
Man: Knock, knock...
Boy: Who's there?
Man: Bear...
Boy: Bear who?
Man: Bear bottom.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*