Animal jokes
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,
A man walked into a horse.
What do you call a hill with cows on it?
A Moo-ntain.