Animal jokes
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
What is a fish with no eyes?
A fsh!!!!!
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.