Animal jokes
Why can’t you play games with cats? Because they always ‘cheetah’.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
Memes
Why do risky people have cats?
So they have 10 lives with them.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs! Get it guys? "Devil-ed" eggs! 😆
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?
They’re always spotted!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!