Animal jokes
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To run from poachers.
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
What animal can jump the highest? The emo kids.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Why do risky people have cats?
So they have 10 lives with them.
What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs! Get it guys? "Devil-ed" eggs! 😆